The Power of Love – 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 ~ Message Two, verse 4a

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The Power of Love, Part 2

1 Corinthians 13:4

Bruce A. Hess

If you would, please take out the Word of God and turn in it, in the New Testament, to the book of 1 Corinthians and then find your way to chapter number 13, 1 Corinthians, chapter number 13.

Today is the second message in a series we began last week, that we entitled ‘The Power of Love,’ where we’re looking at 1 Corinthians 13, verses 1-7. Last time we looked at the first part of this in the first three verses, which we said is a focus of Paul,  talking about The Indispensability of Love. We saw last week that love is a key to having a fruitful spiritual life. We also saw that in these verses Paul was basically laying out for us a spiritual mathematics formula. Do you remember that? Here is that spiritual mathematics formula:  everything minus love equals…what? Nothing, exactly.

We learned last time that when we lack love, there is really nothing we can do in our spiritual life that impresses God. So, we looked at the first part of this and The Indispensability of Love last time. Today we are going to move to the second part of this section of Scripture, where we are going to begin to look at The Character of Love, in verses 4-7. We could say we are going to look at the anatomy of love. We’re going to answer the question, what is love?

You know, when you think about our culture and that little question ‘what is love?’ well all kinds of answers are put forth. Here is one person’s answer to that question: Love is six people in a car for three thousand miles. You know, you can just pick up on the slight hint of sarcasm in that little statement. Six people in a car for three thousand miles!

What is interesting is, in our culture when we hear ourselves (in general) talking about love—if you get observant about it, if you think about what you hear—you realize there is an air of fuzziness out there. There is an air of fogginess out there about what love is. Things are a little bit hazy when it comes to understanding what love is.

For example, someone might say, I love my sweetheart, I love my children, I love the Lord. Then, someone, like Robert Duvall in 1979 in the Vietnam War movie ‘Apocalypse Now’ makes this statement: I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Don’t you see how this is a little fuzzy, a little hazy? I love my sweetheart, I love my children, I love the Lord, I love the smell of napalm in the morning. I mean, there’s just something weird going on here. I love chocolate cake, I love finishing a task, I love the Magnolia Network [a cable network with home renovation programs], I love home-made ice cream.

Some of us who are younger would say, I love BTS [the pop band]. I love them. Some of you who are maybe a little older are maybe going, BTS? Who is BTS? Well, BTS is the Korean boy band. Just this week I went to look at their official video for their song ‘Dynamite,’ and I’ve got to admit that’s a pretty ‘dynamite’ video.

But, why do we have this kind of fog; this strange fog when we talk about love and you have all these different kinds of expressions? Why the fog, why the fuzziness? I think part of the reason why there is a fogginess and a fuzzy,  hazy idea about love is the imprecision of the English language. You know, in English, we have one word for love. Because we have one word for love, that is why we can mix the ideas of loving children, loving chocolate cake, loving the smell of napalm in the morning. It is because we just have one word for love.

The New Testament is written in the Greek language, and in the Greek language there are a number of words for love. I want to take a moment just to highlight three of the words for love in the Greek language, which is the New Testament language.

So, the first word for love that they have in the Greek language is the word, eros (e-r-o-s). Eros has a focus on the Passion dimension of love. In the Greek language, eros is the most emotional expression of love. It is feeling oriented. Eros love focuses on pleasure and focuses on attraction. Here is what is interesting about eros love that has this passion dimension to it: eros love ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. That is usually why, when you hear somebody say, I don’t love her anymore; I don’t love him anymore; this is virtually the kind of love that they are talking about. I don’t feel that passion for them, that attraction to them, that pleasure for them.

What is interesting about this particular Greek is it never occurs in the New Testament. It doesn’t mean that God is not concerned for the passion in marriage…He designed it to have some passion and pleasure and attraction. He wrote a whole book about that in the book of the Song of Solomon, or it’s sometimes called the Song of Songs. But that particular term is not used in Scripture.

Now, there is a second word, Greek word for love, and that is the word phileo (p-h-i-l-e-o). Phileo has a focus on the Affection and Friendship dimension of love. Phileo love is very relational, it involves loyalty. And different from eros, this one does occur in the New Testament. If I counted correctly, the verb occurs twenty-five times; the noun occurs twenty-nine times; and a related term, the term in Greek, philadelphia, (yes, it is actually a Greek word), occurs six times. Where do we hear of philadelphia in our culture? Well, we have a city in Pennsylvania called Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. That is this idea of phileo, the affection and friendship dimension of love

We see this in the New Testament. You remember the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus? They were friends with Jesus and you remember at one point in the story Lazarus becomes seriously ill and so Mary and Martha send a message to Jesus. And in that message to Jesus, they say this, ‘Lord, he whom you love (phileo) is ill. The one, your buddy Lazarus, who You have affection and friendship for, is ill. Then, in Titus 3:15, Paul says, “Greet those who love us in the faith.” Who ‘phileo’ us in the faith; who have affection for us as missionaries; who are friends with us as missionaries. So, this is the second term for love that I am highlighting today from the Greek New Testament language.

There is a third one I want to talk about, which is the word, agape (a-g-a-p-e). The focus of agape is on the Action dimension of love. So, you see the Passion dimension, you see the Affection/Friendship dimension, and then you have the Action dimension of love.

Now, this particular verb for love, or word for love, occurs—if I counted correctly—the verb, one hundred forty-three times in the New Testament; the noun, one hundred sixteen times in the New Testament. There may be a few times where phileo and agape might be interchangeable, but here is what is interesting to me, that under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the New Testament authors enhance and deepen that particular word for love. They begin to bring out and develop this idea of agape love as sacrificial action and self-sacrifice.

See, agape love is not rooted in what I feel, it is rooted in what I do. It is not rooted in what you feel, it is rooted in what you do. It is not mere sentiment. It’s not fluffy; it’s not mushy in any way at all. And it is frequently commanded. You cannot command passion; you cannot command affection. But you can command action. That is exactly what we see in the New Testament. Jesus says to His disciples, here is my commandment, I am commanding you, love one another. Agape. Love one another.

John 15:12: my commandment is to love one another. Ephesians 5:25: Paul commands the husbands, “Husbands, love your wives.” It is an action dimension of love.

What is interesting is that every time you see the word ‘love’ in your English Bible in chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, that is agape love that is being mentioned. So, here is the idea: if I am called, or we are called, to love our husband, to love our wife, to love our children, to love our brother, to love our sister, to love our parents, to love one another, to love our neighbor, to love our fellow students, and even as Jesus takes it, to love our enemies—how can we do it if we don’t understand what love is?

So, I want to share with you a definition of New Testament love. I have shared this definition before. Here is a great definition of New Testament love. It is a commitment of my will to your needs and your best interest regardless of the cost. It is great to get a grip on that. A commitment of my will to your needs and best interest regardless of the cost. I want you to look at that definition and realize that is how Jesus loved us. It was a commitment of His will to our needs and best interest that brought Him to this planet, regardless of the cost to Him personally. That is how Jesus loved us and that, men and women, is how Jesus loves us right now.

So, our source of information when it comes to love is not my thoughts about it; it’s not your thoughts about it; it’s not some sort of collective opinion—we polled the American people, what is love? And, such a percent of the people said this or that—no, that’s not how we do it. The source of our information about love is this book. It is God’s Word. How can we consistently love if we don’t understand what love is?

Now, I like to get practical, so let’s get practical. What does love really look like? How is love to be expressed in my life? So, what we want to do is, we want to ‘zoom in’, begin to zoom in, in chapter 13, verses 4-7 on the character of love. If you have your Bibles open, I want to re-read chapter 13, verses 1-7. Follow along as I am reading. Paul writes and says,

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Now, let your eyes go back and just sort of look over verses 4, 5, 6, and 7 where we have this description of love, and I want you to realize that those are all verbs. Those are all verbal forms. That is because this is the Action dimension of love. He is not making an appeal to emotion here, he is showing us that love is action, all verbs are here. What that means is, it is possible to love—hear me here—even  if our feelings have waned. That is why it can be commanded.

You know, we raised four kids in our house and some of them were interested in sports and some of them were not so interested in sports. I had the privilege, as a dad, of coaching some of my kids who were interested in sports, from when they were very, very little. And, our youngest in our family, was Jennifer. I remember when I had the opportunity to take little Jennifer and her friends and to coach their peewee softball team. You know, as a coach you want your peewee girls softball team to be an effective team so what would you say to them? Well, here is basically what I said to them: Hey, how many of us want to be an effective team? Okay, here is what is going to happen. If we’re going to be an effective team, we need to do this…and we had several things we were talking about. If we’re going to be an effective team, we do not do this, some of the common things that you see people at that age bracket and that kind of sport doing. If we’re going to be effective, there are some things we need to do. If we are going to be effective as a team, there’s going to be some things that we don’t do.

That is very parallel to Paul’s approach when he wants to communicate to us about being effective at love. As we unpack this character of love, and we’re going to begin to do it today, we are going to get introduced to the fifteen aspects of love that he brings up. Seven of them are positive, this is what love does. Eight of them are more negatively cast, this is what love does not do. So, if we are going to be effective in being a person who loves other people, he is saying there are some things you need to know:  this is what love does;  this is what love does not do.

Now, all of that we’ve covered so far is the introduction to this morning’s message that we are going to be looking at. We are going to begin to look at the first two of these fifteen aspects of love. So, that is the plan. Should we continue on or should we just close in prayer right now? Anyone want to continue on? Okay, let’s continue on!

The first thing we learn, Love is Patient. Agape is patient. We could translate that, love is long-suffering. Some of the versions of the Bible have it that way. Love is patient, it is long-suffering. It is patient with people—not particularly focused here on being patient in life’s circumstances but being patient with people.

I think it is good for us all to be transparent. We may live in the most impatient generation in all of human history. I mean, we are addicted to immediate response. We need to cook something, we put it in the microwave and we set some time. Then, if we get it out and it’s not heated up enough, we get frustrated with it, you know? We have high speed internet; we want to stream things and we get frustrated if it buffers a little bit. What in the world is going on? Why is it doing that?

You know, we have fast food establishments and we are used to pulling up in our car. We roll down the window, this is what I want to order, boom, boom, boom, boom. Then, we get over to the pickup window and it’s not quite ready, what are we doing, what is the problem, what is taking them so long? See, we are addicted to immediate response in our culture.

Here is what I think happens. Because we are so addicted to immediate response, it bleeds over into our relationships, it bleeds into our relationships. We don’t tend to be patient with people. Being patient means that we are slow to be resentful; we’re slow to take offense; we’re slow to explode into flames. That is what love is.

Proverbs 19:11, “Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is a glory to overlook an offense.” You see, Love is Patient. Patience with people is the opposite of retaliation. It is the opposite of vengeance. It is the opposite of road rage. You know, when people get involved in road rage [violent anger and actions while driving a vehicle], one thing you know:  the patience of love wasn’t involved anywhere, right?

Notice what it says in Colossians 3:12, “As God’s chosen ones,” who is that addressing? Us. “Holy and beloved,” What should we do? “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness,” and there’s our word, “patience.” Patience. As God’s chosen ones, that is what we should be displaying in our life and in relationship to the people around us.

What is  interesting about this Colossians verse in particular, when he talks about patience here, he goes on and he expands some thoughts about it in the rest of the section when he goes, we are again to be “Putting on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience,” what does that really mean? “Bearing with one another, and if anyone has a complaint against another,” not that anyone here would ever have a complaint against anyone, but theoretically, if we did [humor], anyone who has a complaint against another, what are we to do? “Forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.” 

Now, being patient with people is not a call at all to enable somebody; to enable somebody with a deep sin pattern; to enable someone who is abusive in some way. If that is what we are dealing with, we need to get some wise counsel about dealing with deep patterns of sin and dealing with abuse.

What does it mean when he says love is patient? That is, patient with people. It means that we put up with people’s idiosyncrasies and their quirks. If we are around any person long enough, what happens? We become aware of their quirks, we become aware of their weaknesses. We become very aware of their failures, we become aware of their shortcomings. The truth is, all of us, at times, are slow to learn. All of us, at times, are forgetful. All of us, at times, become fearful. All of us, at times, say the wrong thing. You see, quirks, weaknesses, failures, shortcomings are a normal part of relationships. They are a normal part of marriage.

But what is the tendency of our flesh? I say that because I just know myself. The tendency of our flesh, when we see these kinds of things—quirks, weaknesses, failures, shortcomings—is to become irritated, quick to be irritated, quick to be critical, quick to nag on and rag on [complain about or criticize continually] somebody else. You are too loud; you always give your opinion. You’re too quiet; you’re so hard to talk to. You are too moody, too easily discouraged. You are too strong; you never admit that you have weaknesses.

You know, years ago, it was very popular to have this little lapel type pin that had a series of letters across it. This goes back several decades, I think. That pin had written these letters PBPWM GINTWMY. Anyone remember one of those kinds of buttons? Not too many people remember them. I’m older than I appear apparently. 😉 PBWM GINTWMY stands for ‘Please Be Patient With Me, God Is Not Through With Me Yet.’ What is interesting about that pin, we’re very quick to pin that on ourselves. Would you please be patient with me, God’s not through with me yet. And yet, we’re not so quick to pin that on other people. Love is patient, and God sets the standard for us.

Look at what it says in Psalm 103:8, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding,” in what? “In steadfast love.” God sets the standard for us when it comes to love.

Look at 1 Timothy 1:16. I love this passage. Paul says, “I receive mercy for this reason, that in me Jesus Christ might display His perfect,” there’s our word, “patience. That in me, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience,” and—here  we go— “as an example to those who would believe in Him for eternal life.” Do you see how this works? God sets the pace; God wants to display His patience in our life for what reason? To be an example for us who follow Him. His patience is an example for us.

Here is what is important:  the key to love is our focus. You see, if we focus on other people’s shortcomings, on their quirks, on their weaknesses, on their failures, what happens? I get angry, I get critical, I complain. If we focus, rather, on how the Lord Jesus Christ relates to me; how He bears with me with long suffering; how He is patient with me; then it’s easier for me to be patient with other people. He sets the pace for us!

So, you notice I have up on the screen now ‘ _________is patient.’ What I want you to think about doing is inserting your own name in the blank. See, we’re not just doing this for an intellectual exercise. Part of the reason why we’re going through this is we want the Spirit of God to just touch us where we might need to be touched, pointing out something we need to alter a little bit in our attitudes. Bruce is patient. Does that fit? Does it fit for your name to go in there?

The second thing we want to look at is that Love is Kind. Agape is kind. And, I think this grows out of a patient, long suffering heart towards other people. Ephesians 4:32, a commandment, “Be kind,” there’s our word, “to one another.” I Iike the way J.B. Phillips translates the phrase, ‘Love is kind.’ He translates in his translation this way, “Love looks for a way of being constructive.” Love looks for a way of being constructive.

The idea of being kind is being pleasant and gracious to other people. Someone who is kind bestows goodness on others. Someone who is kind extends blessings to others.

You know, it was a number of years ago that I first came across a pastor who has written a number of books. His name is Alexander Strauch. I love his books They are very biblical, very helpful and everything that Alexander Strauch has published I always buy. I was at a large Bible conference one time, and when you come to the break time, you know, they have those tall, little tables there, cocktail tables. You go out there and you grab a Coke or something. So, I’m standing at this cocktail table with my little drink and there is a guy across from me and we just introduce one another. I said, Hi, I’m Bruce Hess and he said to me, Hi, I’m Alexander Strauch. I knew immediately who it was My reaction was like, dude, I love your books, it’s so cool. He’s just a great biblical thinker.

Here is something that Strauch has said about kindness. He said, “Kindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, and to be sympathetic to others.” Then, he says this, I like this, “It has been said, ‘Kindness is love in work clothes.’” A cool statement. Kindness is love in work clothes.

You know what I think is true of kindness? Kindness is a universal language. You can be with people and not really understand how to communicate with them, but kindness is a universal language. Again, God sets the pace here, God sets the pace for us. Look at what it says in Ephesians 2:7. It talks about the immeasurable riches of His grace—here we go—in kindness towards us. He sets the pace, the kindness that He extends to us.

There was a guy in the first century by the name of Publius Syrus. By the way, if any of you gals are pregnant and expecting a son, a name you might want to consider would be Publius. You don’t have to worry about anybody else in school ever having the name of Publius. It’s an unusual name. In the first century this guy, Publius Syrus, said this, “You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force.” A good thought.

Love is Kind. What does that really mean? Well, it means it can be expressed in Kind Deeds. Kind deeds, especially when they are undeserved, are very powerful. John Wesley set out this guideline in this whole area, he said this,

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

That is some great stuff. Now, let me give you the Bruce paraphrase of all of that. Here it is: mug others with kindness. Mug others with kindness.

Here is a key question we can always ask and that key question is:  what can I do to help? That is a question for people of every age level. You might be only this tall [short, young]—a great question to ask is, what can I do to help? So, just think about it for a moment, reflect on it. When was the last time you did something for someone without being asked? Well, love does Kind Deeds without being asked. Love mugs people with kindness.

And, not only Kind Deeds, but also Kind Words. Proverbs 16:24, “Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing for the body.” Again, I am assuming many of you are just like I am so that is the reason why I say some of the things that I say, because I know what I am like. See, the tendency I have is to deliver at least give three times  more complaints and criticisms as I do compliments.

So, it makes me think this:  what kind of a difference would it make between parents and their children, if there were more kind words extended to our children? What kind of difference would it make if there were more kind words coming from our children to our parents? What if there were more kind words being exchanged between brothers and sisters? What if there were more kind words being communicated between a husband and a wife? By the way I want to say this, kind words are most effective when they’re least expected. Kind Deeds and Kind Words.

Now remember what our focus needs to be. Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another,” yes, that is what we should be, “tender-hearted, forgiving one another.” Here is the big, small word, As God in Christ forgave you.” See, our kindness that we extend, whether it is kind deeds or kind words, our focus is how has God extended that to me. By the way, a big part of kindness is a willingness to forgive.

So, __________ is kind. Bruce is kind. Does your name fit in the blank? Would anyone start laughing if you put your name in the blank? I want you to understand as we have been going through this today, we have just started, just started to unpack these aspects of love. Lord willing, we will continue that next week.

I do want to talk about some Life Response. Two vital perspectives I think we need to have coming out of our time today. The first one is this, Love is not Something we Crank Out in our Own Strength. We’re not being called to that. See, that is why God has given to everyone who is a follower of Jesus, who has trusted in Him, the person of the Holy Spirit who resides inside of us. It is the Holy Spirit who will help to empower us, the Holy Spirit who will help to energize us. It’s not me just cranking it up, it is me relying on the Spirit of God, working in my heart, to change my heart and to change my practice.

Galatians 5:22, the fruit of the Spirit, being unleased in our life, is what? Love (agape), joy, peace—here we go, our two terms from today—patience and kindness.

So, we’re not asking you to go home and just crank it up. We’re asking you to say, you know what, this is why I need to be reliant upon the Holy Spirit of God every day of my life.

The second perspective that is important to remember is that Our Model and Motivator is God’s Love for us. That means, men and women, we need to be rehearsing that; we need to be reviewing that; we need to be refreshing our perspective with that. Our model and motivator is God’s love for us. What it tells me is that when we are failing to be patient, when we are failing to be kind, we have become disconnected to what God has done for us. Rehearse it, review it, let it refresh your heart.

Let’s pray together. Father, we thank You so much for Your Word. We thank You for the opportunity that we have to gather around it today. And, Lord, we want to just be doing more than an intellectual exercise here, we want to be doing a personal review. How can you use Your Truth to change our hearts? How can we be men and women who can allow our names to go in those blanks? ______ is patient, ________ is kind. Transform us we pray for Your honor and for Your glory. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Questions for Reflection

The Power of Love

Message 2, 13:4

1. Outside of God and your family, share three things that you would say you “love” !

2. In our culture, so much of our concept of love is built around the dimensions of passion and/or affection. Why is it that those forms of love are not commanded in Scripture?

3. When it comes to your relationships, when are you most easily irritated? Be transparent.

4. Love is patient (with people). Rate yourself honestly on the “patient scale” from 1 to 10  (ten being the highest). What steps could you take to increase your expression of  patience toward people in your life?

5. John Sanderson has said this:

“The reason impatience is such a noxious weed is because it leaves God out of     our thinking.”   How has God shown patience toward you? (Make a list)

6. Love is kind. Rate yourself honestly on the “kindness scale” from 1-10 (ten being the highest).

Kindness can be expressed both in kind deeds and kind words towards others. Are you generally stronger expressing kind deeds or kind words.  Why?

What are some practical steps you can take this week to strengthen both where you are strongest and weakest?

7. Our model in the love arena of patience and kindness is God’s love for us.  Spend some time in prayer rehearsing and reviewing God’s patience and kindness toward you.

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